What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
