The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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