Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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