I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
