Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
