yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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