The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
