"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's Friday. Sex?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
