Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
