WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Randomize
