she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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