You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
