My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
