im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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