I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The beer is more important than you right now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
