i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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