I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He felt like a one man threesome
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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