can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
