If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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