Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
