I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
