i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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