I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
