He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
