i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
