I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
