i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
