even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
