thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
