you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
