Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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