it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
soo... how was my night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
