It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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