Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
