areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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