ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
