some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
