I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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