just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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