Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
