Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
