WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
