he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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