so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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