that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
