i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
