At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
