you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
