Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
