I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
