I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
