He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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