My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
