Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
