ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
